in our back yard

happy camper

Well I just got back from the nutritionist and I lost 6.6 pounds since last Tuesday. I am so excited. I just need to stay on track and keep losing. I feel really good about this. I went to my ob/gyn to get my annual physical done with my pap and now that I am 40 I have to have my mammo done before my insurance switches over. They are all excited for me and cheering me on to lose the weight so that I can start IVF soon. I am really gonna miss those guys there.

dilemma

Last night was my last overnight shift for a while at work. It was such a long one. I thought it would never end. I came home and finally got to sleep around 11 and now I am up again. Hopefully I will sleep tonight.
So here is my dilemma. Since I had to change my insurance plan starting in Jan I have to also change my ob/gyn because this new insurance does not currently have the one I go to on their plan. It really sucks because I have been with my current ob/gyn for a year now and I really love going there. Everyone is so friendly and welcoming there and they treat both J and I really well. I am hoping anyone out there that might live in the Manchester NH area can help me out and suggest a new one. The good thing is my insurance does cover the Ivf center we want to use and the RE that we have already met with but not my ob/gyn. So please anyone that can suggest a good one let me know. I would really appreciate it.

Holiday pics

Our Christmas 2009

Surprisingly we both had Christmas eve and Christmas day off together this year. This does not always happen because of the professions we are both in. Christmas eve started off in the am with us both slowly rising in the morning. J got up before me so she could wrap the rest of my gifts. We had to finish the scrapbook for J's mom for Christmas also. We were able to complete the rest of it (about 6 pages before we needed to get dressed and prepare for our friends Gerry and Andy to arrive from Boston to celebrate with us. Once they arrived and our friend Brian arrived we all headed out to one of our favorite Mexican restaurants La Carita to meet up with our friends Ronnie and Beth. We had a wonderful meal although I did not have my usual taco and enchiladas with the chips and salsa because of the diet but I did have shrimp and scallop fajitas without the tortilla and it was delicious esp since all I had all day was 2 protein shakes. I saw the nutritionist last week and I will explain my diet later. After some good food and drink we all left and came back to our place to play games. I got J a new board game for Christmas (Pictureka) which I let her open early so we could play it. It was fun. We also played Scategories and Scene it. We had a blast. Beth and Ronnie left around 11 and we all were tired so went to bed so we could rise early on Chritmas morning.

Christmas morning we both woke up around 5:30 but stayed in bed and managed to go back to sleep for a few hours since no one else was up not even the sun at that time. Around 8:30 I smelled fresh coffee brewing and woke J up so we could go down and join our guest to open presents and have breakfast. We both grabbed our stockings first to see what was in them. We always give each other stocking stuffers that consist of various things that we use such as razors, hand lotions, soaps etc and sweets. This year I got bath and body works shower gels and hand cream, razors, small hand creams that I can take to work to use, and make up. I got J a small first aid kit to go in her car, shout handy wipes for those little spills on the go, hand cream, shower gel, lindt white chocolates (her fav), and coke a cola gummies another fav. After our stockings we each gave one another Christmas cards and then started to hand out gifts for everyone. We gave Andy and Gerry some lindt chocolates and a new crock pot that has a lid that locks in place ( we knew that they wanted one of these since they are the ones that always bring two of everyones fav dishes to parties Swedish meatballs and clam chowder) so they were happy about this. We got Brian a sweater, fleece shirt, lindt chocolates, and a Julia Childs book (his degree is in culinary arts and he loves her) We received some nice led flashlights from A & G and some homemade chex mix in a Christmas container from Brian. I got from J a pair of jeans, work shoes, 2 pairs of sterling silver earrings, eddie bauer sleeping bag, expandable ice and snow removal brush for my car, and 2 pj pants. I got J a jewelry box, shoes, socks, label maker, spice rack, and her fav gift that was really a surprise a Wii. I loved the look on her face when she saw the Wii pure excitement but I did not catch it on camera. Of course once she got this I could not drag her away from it. She immediatly set it up and everyone started to play. It is still so funny to watch everyone play this I think we look like fools swinging and hitting into the air but its fun. Today we are both sore from playing it. I guess its a good workout. I do plan on getting her the Wii fit soon so we can do workouts with this. We did manage to cook a delicious breakfast for our guest even though I only had a protein shake.

Andy and Gerry left around 11:00 and we started to make scallop potatoes and salad to take to J's grandmothers for Christmas dinner.

We arrived in Melrose at J's grandmothers house around 3:00. Her mother, her brother Liam and his wife and her 2 nephews, her brother Dan and his fiance and nephew, and Brian were all there. We enjoyed a wonderful dinner her mother prepared. Roast beef, ham, potatoes, scallop potatoes, salad, green beans, summer squash, and bread. It was yummy. I did have this meal since it is Christmas and my nutritionist said I should enjoy one meal this day. After dinner we exchanged gifts. The kids all loved their gifts and began to play with them. We got J's mom new work out clothes and sneakers since she joined a gym recently, watch, and the scrapbook of the trip we all took to Canada and Niagara falls back in October. The scrapbook was a hit she loved it. J and I got from her a nice 5x 7 photograph of the wharf in Galway, Ireland which she brought back from her recent trip there and a sports package for the Wii that includes the tennis racket, golf club and various attachments for the Wii. The rest of the evening we all enjoyed playing board games and the Wii of course. We all arrived back at our house around 9:00 pm and hit the bed since we were all tired and J and Brian both had to go to work early today. All in all it was a nice Christmas. We did however miss J's dad deeply this year and it just was not the same without him and his contagious blusterous laugh he was known for.

Today I am hanging out around the house enjoying the quiet with the dogs. I am trying to stay busy to keep my mind off of snacking. I went to the nutritionist last Tuesday. We went over a plan for me to get me started on my weight loss goal. So since Tuesday I have been doing protein shakes ( a recipe she gave me) 4 times a day and 4 -6 cups of raw veggies a day. So far it has gone well except for the meal I had Christmas eve and Christmas day which she factored in knowing I would not want to do only shakes those days. I also drink lots of water throughout the day. I see her again on Tuesday to go over our next plan which I will do 3 shakes a day and a healthy meal. She also checked my resting metabolism which she said was about average. Once I start eating she will set up a calorie intake amt and a balance of carbs, protein and fats for my daily intake which I will track online for her to see. I think it will work for me I just have to stick with it. Having a baby is something I want more than anything and for me to be healthy and able to do it I have to change and I will do whatever it takes. J is being very supportive in this for me. She plans to start eating healthier also. One day at the time that's what I plan to do.

early new years resolution

Well we had our appointment today with the RE. It went really well. The doctor was a very nice jewish man. He welcomed us both and answered all of questions. He was very through. He made us feel comfortable. The bad news is that I have to lose 30 pounds before we can start the Ivf stuff. Thats ok because I really need to lose weight in order to be healthier and to have less chances of a complicated pregnancy. The 30 pound goal is very attainable and hopefully it will get my ass into the weight loss mode I need to be into. J said that we would do this together which will help a lot because its hard when the people you live with are not on the same page. So once I lose the 30 pounds we start all the pre testing stuff thats required for Ivf and do another clomid challenge test to see where my Fsh level is. Oh the other good news is that my new insurance will still approve Ivf as long as my Fsh level is 15 or below and not the 10 I thought. I am going to make an appointment with a nutritionist and get started dieting and excercising. I also want to join either weight watchers or OA for support.

christmas 2009

Here is our christmas card now we just have to mail them all. We just took a million photos before we got the right one.

birthdays and appointments

Well today I hit the big 40. It really does not seem like my birthday. I guess thats because I really celebrated last weekend and I have now slept most of it away since I worked the night shift last evening. J threw me a really awesome surprise party last weekend. I was so shocked. I do not know how she managed to keep it all a secret. All of our freinds were in attendance with exception of a few that did not want to brave the snow storm we were having at the time. She really did a great job planning it all. A few weeks ago she had given me tickets to go see A Chritmas Carol at the Palace theater but she said she could not go because she had to work at the last minute so my mom and I went. After the show was over around 4:00 pm she called to find out where I was and stated to me that she was on her way home from work. She asked me to the grocery store to pick up a few things which included deli meats ( by the way on a Sat afternoon takes forever) which by the way she knew this but wanted to stall me till everyone had arrived by 5:00 pm. So when we finally arrived to our house I parked the car in the garage and grabbed the groceries and started up the stairs from our basement and opened the door and there everyone was yelling surprise. It was awesome and I was shocked for a couple of minutes. I dont know how she did it but everyone had parked on another street around the corner from our house so I had no idea. She really planned well and had all my favorite foods which included ribs and pulled pork from Red Bones, mac and cheese, cornbread, salad, and so many appetizers. A southern girls dream dinner. The cake was awesome it was light purple colored with a picture of me when I was 3 or 4 years old. She had a video put together with pictures of me and my friends that ranged from 6months to now and coordinated it with music. She really made my 4oth very special. I received so many wonderful gifts including a ipod from J which I love.

I just got some beautiful flowers delivered from our friends in Boston. That was really sweet of them.

Tomorrow is our consultation appointment with the RE at 8:30 am. It will be a 2 hour appointment. We are really looking forward to getting some answers to our questions and finding out if we will be able to do IVF. So wish us luck.

The last month has been so busy for us and I am really looking forward to the quiet, quality time I get to spend with J. Christmas this year is going to be low key at our house due to our situation with our dog Max. You see he we got him in late August from a rescue league that we had previously gotten our dog Tollee that passed away. He is a 2 1/2 year old shih tzu. He previously belonged to a 78 year old lady that had him since he was weaned from his mom. Well needless to say he was boss at her house. We of course asked all the questions before we got him about how he was with people including children since we have friends that come over often with children and J has 2 small newphews that visit also. Well since getting him we have noticied that he has been showing more and more aggessive and dominating behavior and has snapped at and even bitten us and a few other people including a child. Needless to say this was very upsetting for us. We have been very fortunate with our other two dogs Sophie and Tollee and have not had to deal with this kind of behavior before. So we are trying to put a stop to it now before it really gets out of hand. So we started private obeidence classes on Saturday for him and we are already starting to see a difference in him with the stuff she taught us. We have to go back this Sunday for another session. He is an affectionate and loving dog but he likes to dominate and try to run the house. How could you not love a face like this.

Our tree is up and the house looks so festive. I still have to do some Christmas shopping. I have not done any yet. It will be here before we know it.

another curve ball

My doctors office called on Tuesday to inform me that my day 3 FSH level was 13.8. Now this is a total curve ball I did not see coming as last year almost to the date my FSH level was 4. So they suggested that we stop the CCT and for me to see an RE sooner than I thought I would. I made the appt with an RE yesterday. I am really worried about this as most IVF centers and insurance companies will not do IVF if your FSH level is above 10. When we got the last BFN I was not as upset and I remained hopeful realizing my new insurance plan would cover IVF but I am really worried now. I know that FSH levels can change and mine might go back down but that is a Huge jump from last year. On a positive note though I found out yesterday that the fertility coordinator at my doctors office is leaving and going to the same Ivf center also. I am really happy to be able to continue to work with her. She always was there for us to answer any questions and she always returned our phone calls promptly. We really like her.
Last night at work was very stressful. Two things I cant stand are inability to communicate and laziness. I had a roomful of both of these characteristics from my coworkers last night. It was so frustrating.
I am really looking forward to my weekend off coming up. We are going to see a Christmas Carol on Sat at the Palace theater. Sunday we are going to get our tree and decorate it. I cant wait. J already put up the Christmas village the day after Thanksgiving and started to decorate but the tree is my favorite thing to do.

Thankful

Today and everyday I am thankful for:
My loves unconditional love and devotion.
My family and friends.
My dogs and cat.
My health.
Our jobs.
Our free country and to live in a state that has marriage equality.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone.

peace,quiet and serenity

I love having my family here but I love it when everyone is in bed and I have peace, quiet and serenity. It was a long day of cooking and preparing for tomorrow. Lots of family time tonight with a game of dominoes, junk food and overall good conversation. Enjoy it all while you can it wont last forever. Oh on another note...Af came today. I will be starting a clomid challenge test in order to prepare for the paperwork and insurance requirements for IVF.

BFN

Well I could not resist the urge to test today. I really have not had any reason (symptom wise) to feel like this one would be any different than before, although I really hoped in the back of my mind it would. So I am sure in the next day or so AF will come. It looks like our new year will be started off with IVF. Last time we had a consult with our doctor he said we would try a couple more medicated cycles then we should really consider IVF after that. The insurance I have now will not cover IVF but seeing how it is open enrollment time at work and they do offer a plan that does cover IVF then I will be signing up for it. The cost of the new plan is double but it will be worth it for reimbursement cost of IVF. We are really bummed out about the BFN but remain hopeful for IVF.
We had a funny thing happen here last week. My parents are visiting and my father is a insulin dependent diabetic. Well he happens to have an injectable prefilled pen for his insulin medication that looks the same as my follistim injectable prefilled pen...see where I am going with this. Well in the morning while I was cooking breakfast he took out what he thought was his insulin pen except it was my follistim. My mom was standing by him and saw that the lettering was different on it so she said wait thats not yours and of course it hit me at that time what he had. I immediatly said without thinking that is my medication and took it back from him abruptly. Now this is all a problem because no one knows about our ttc mainly due to the fact that we dont want or need the extra pressure and now my parents whose hopes and dreams have always been to have a grandchild know. What a way to find out. Of course my dad automatically started asking "are you diabetic" and my mom just kept quite but waited for the moment that she could get me out of the house so she could get on the computer to find out what the medication was (she has a very nosey side to her). Now they are both estatic about the whole thing. I keep trying to tell them not to get their hopes up yet.

lucky number 7

Yesterday was Iui #7 for us. It all started out well. We both had the day off so that we could both be there together. The doctor said it was a good batch of swimmers and that they were really awake and ready to go. It all went well with the exception that she had to use the dreaded pincher aka teneculum. I hate that thing. It always causes me major cramping. So afterwards we got to go to one of our favorite breakfast spots for a good hearty breakfast. Then home to lie down and take it easy...except that did not happen due to the fact that I had major cramps by then. I took a hot bath and some ibuprofen it was so bad. It finally subsided in about 45 minutes. And the rest of the day I just took it easy while J did some more yard work. She was very supportive during my ordeal with the bad cramping and really felt bad that there was nothing she could do to take my pain away. She stayed with me until the cramping had stopped. This is why I love her so much she is so good to me. So now we are just waiting and hoping that this is the one. The tww's they always go by so slowly. Hopefully this one will will pass a little quicker since my family will be arriving next week and staying trough the thanksgiving holiday. This will keep me busy enough.

fall leaves

This past weekend we spent Saturday cleaning all the leaves that have fallen this season. And being that our yard is surrounded by trees it was a lot. I kept thinking about what a chore it is each year to clean up all the leaves and how much I dread doing it. Then I started to remember how as a kid fall cleanup was something we always looked forward to. My brother, sister, and I would each arm ourselves with a rake and big black trash bags. We would then start raking from the outside in until we had a huge pile of leaves made. Then the fun would begin. We would start from far back and run and jump into the leaf pile. We would do this over and over again until our parents would come out and tell us to get back to work. Although it was work it never really felt like work. We always had such a great time. I cant wait till we have a little one to make huge leaf piles for so they too can enjoy fall clean up.



We had a busy Sunday also. We went to church, food shopping and then off to see Cats at the palace theater. It was a great show.



Today I went for my u/s and lab work. I had 2 mature follicles one on the right 21cm and one on the left 18cm. I had 2 immature follicles one 16 and one 12. I am bummed that I did not have more. I thought for sure that I would have more this time since I had lots of pressure. I will do a hcg trigger tomorrow night then number 7 IUI on Thursday morning. Hopefully this is the one. It would be such as nice birthday present to find out that I am pregnant.

baby making contraband

I work at a place that has lots of security and everything you bring in has to be screened. Since I work evenings and that is when I have to give myself my follistim injection I have to pack it up everyday and take it to work with me. I am always afraid that the person screening me in is going to ask " what is that and could you take it out of your bag and show it to me" First of all no one knows about my ttc and second of all I dont want to announce it in a line full of co-workers waiting to be screened in. So far nothing has come up about it but I always worry. A few months ago a co-worker who had just returned to work after maternity leave was going through the screening process and she had her breast pump in a bag that looked liked a backpack and she put it through the scanner and the screener ( a male at that ) asked her what is that device you got there. She said in a quiet voice so that the whole line waiting to be screened could not hear her "trust me you dont want to know" but of course he said yes I do I have to know and she said well its a breast pump. He turned three shades of red and said you were right I do not want to know. Funny. Well lets just hope after this cycle I will not have to bring in the injection anymore and I can then just say to him trust me you dont want to know what is in that backpack. Of course to my relief I would be more than happy to say to him its a breast pump.

donor decisions

We are currently on our 7th Iui cycle. We have had 6 failed cycles 3 medicated cycles with follistim, hcg trigger and progesterone. It has been very trying at times but we are hanging in there. Each try brings some new outlook and hope that it will be the "one". We really feel blessed because my insurance has covered all of the medications and treatments with the exception of donor vials. After reading many blogs I realized we are very fortunate in this aspect as many of you have to pay out of pocket for the injectables which are very expensive.

Last night we had to make a another decision on a donor to use this time. Our favorite donor that we used with all of our previous Iui's has retired and we are really bummed about this. The last Iui we used a donor that did not have a high count so we did not want to chance that again so the search was on. After looking at dozens we finally found one we both liked and has had success in the past. I find the website of the bank we use to be very helpful in our search. They have each month 7-8 donors of the month where they show their baby pictures and profiles for free. They also have a donor look a like that shows you 3 pictures of actors that the donor most resembles as an adult. These of course are chosen by the staff and are free too. The one we chose last night most resembles Elijah Wood, Daniel Radcliffe, and Mark Ruffalo. Of course we are not just choosing a donor based on the physical characteritics we look more at the profile and overall health history. But I do think it is neat that they do this.

On another note my heart goes out to all of you Mainer's. I thought for sure I would wake up this morning and see that we had another victory for equality under our belt. I still am in shock.

who we are

I cant believe I finally got around to starting a blog. After so long of reading everyone's blog and thinking I must start one soon the day has finally arrived.

So here is a little about me and my partner J. We met and fell in love on Cape cod in 2004. We bought our home in New Hampshire in 2006. We finally settled down after moving several times with my job. J finished her degree in cardiac sonography last year and we finally started our adventure of trying to become mommies this year. So far the journey has been a challenge.

I read all of your blogs and see that some of you are having the same challenges we are and I read others that have beautiful healthy babies. Both give me hope and inspiration to keep trying. I see all the support you give one another and I want to become a part of that. So here we are.