Friday, July 30, 2010


This month is the one year anniversary of the death of our wonderful dog Tollee and and a wonderful man (J's dad Liam). We miss you both very much.

Thursday, July 29, 2010


I feel sometimes things are spiraling out of control. Being the type of person who likes things neat, tidy and somewhat in control this really bothers me. After our wedding (one of the happiest days of my entire life) things started to spin. First J hurt her back and was barely able to walk for a week. Then Max our dog ate a pain patch of my moms and ended up at the emergency vet and at the point of being unresponsive. Thank god they put him to sleep and pumped his stomach and saved his life. My father ended up in the hospital while still here visiting after the wedding with chest pain and was discharged in a couple of days with a good report...not any artery blockages but they dont know why he had the chest pain. He had triple bypass in 2004. This was all a relief for us. My parents finally were able to fly back home 2 days after the original date they were suppose to fly. Everything finally seemed to be getting back to normal around here and J and I finally found some time to just hang out with one another and enjoy one another without everyone around. I started the injectable meds preparing for IVF only to have a cancelled cycle due to premature ovulation, a large cyst and my numbers being up ( I knew something was wrong when Dr G called me himself that afternoon after I had the ultrasound and lab work to tell me the news.) I cried a lot more than I have the whole time we have been ttc I just seemed to lose hope at that time and when hope is gone what is is left. J has been very supportive through all of this she's my rock. Then a few weeks later I get a call from my dad saying my mom was really sick and that I needed to come home because she had to be intubated and was on a ventilator due to severe pneumonia. Now this is the last thing I ever expected to happen because my mom usually does not get this sick because she recognizes symptoms early on and goes to the doctor so I was shocked it was her in the hospital. I took an emergency flight to Alabama after just getting off a 12 hour overnight shift only to have the flights from hell that day. It took me another 8 hours to get to Florida close to where my parents live and another 2 1/2 to get to the hospital where she had been transferred to. It is an awful feeling when you are so helpless and not knowing whether or not you will ever get to see her alive again and to tell her that you love her. Nothing can get you there fast enough. This is the one reason I do hate living so far away from my family. When I arrived she had gotten so much better. She was in ICU and already had gotten off the ventilator because she was doing so well and had begged the doctor to take the tube out. She although still really sick looked wonderful to me. I was so relieved and happy to see that she was talking and smiling when I walked into the room. I was in Alabama for five days helping to take care of her and was able to bring her home after she was discharged. I took a flight out the next day (Wednesday) as I was due back for a 16 hour shift on Thursday. Again I had the flight from hell being delayed this time for 4 hours at one airport and on the second leg of my flight to Boston we got re-routed 200 miles out of our way due to weather and control center back up. Fun,Fun, Fun. J picked me up with the 2 fur babies in tow and we managed to get home at 12:45 am and we were both due to wake up at 5:15 am to get to work. Yeah it was great. But none the less was I ever happy to see all the loves of my life in the one car that night at the smiling from ear to ear and the other two waging their tails and jumping up and down. This always brings me peace. Now I would love to tell you that things only started to look up for us and to get better but I regret to say no. This past weekend was filled with much needed togetherness. Only it was tainted by the news that mom had to have abdominal surgery due to a bowel obstruction on Sunday morning. She today remains in the hospital recuperating but has had a set back because of confusion due to hopefully all the morphine she was receiving for pain. Now here I sit today on my day off filled with emotions. Emotions of worry and I start to feel anxious. I feel I need to be in Alabama and at the same time I feel I need to be here where all my security is. I need J to be home from work soon for the comfort she gives me. I just want things to stop spiraling and to slow down long enough for me to catch my breath, long enough for me to exhale. Thats what I am longing for.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

wedding pictures

Here are a few of the wedding photos. Sorry it took so long to get them posted. There has been a lot going on here lately...good and bad. I will have to find time to post it all later. Hope everyone is well and enjoying their summer.

Thursday, July 15, 2010


Numbers up, large cyst....cycle cancelled. I am sad.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Whats Happening

Wow I feel like it has been ages since I posted. So much has happened in my life since then. I am going to talk about it all then I will do another post with pictures from the wedding.

We are well on our way to IVF. We officially got the approval of the insurance company to do IVF and I just completed the cycle of birth control pills and had my u/s and lab work this am. I am waiting for a call from the nurse to let me know what to do next. Hopefully I will start injections if all is clear. We are so excited that it is all coming together now.

In other news. We had our wedding ceremony on Saturday June 19 at our home in our backyard. It was a hot day but a beautiful sunny day. That was 0ur worst fear that it would rain and everything would have to be done indoors. We had approx 40 friends and family here to share our special day with. Everything went off without a hitch, well a few minor ones that thanks to our friends worked out in the end. I really have to say that day was the happiest day of my life. It was just beautiful. Our JP was so wonderful and fulfilled all of our expectations in our ceremony. Our vows were filled with words that not only state who we are to one another but who we our fully committed to be always to one another. It is making me cry as I am writing this. Our dear friends Beth and Chrissie stood in attendance with us and they both did beautiful readings for us. Looking out to all of our family and friends in attendance made me think how lucky we are to be able to share that with them and for each of their support and love that they all show us. My mom and dad, J's mom, and brother were all in attendance and showed so much support for us. It was truly magical. After the ceremony we had the reception in our backyard under tents with lots of good food, drink, and a lovely mix of 6 hours of music on the ipod which J took lots of time and energy to compose for us. Everyone had a great time. We received lots of beautiful, generous gifts and cards. For our guest registry we decided to have our guest write messages on various rocks that J and I have collected over the years on various trips to places such as P-town, Maine, Nantucket, and Gloucester, and of course NH beaches. We put them all in a bowl for a keepsake to treasure always. I am going to put together a wedding scrapbook soon of all the photos and memories we have.
So here a the couple of hitches that happened right before the ceremony that I mentioned above. Although at the time I thought oh no this is a disaster and everything is ruined but luckily it was not as bad as it looked and it all worked out fine thanks to our friends that arrived early to help us put last minute things together. I will forever be appreciative to them. First of all, at around 12:30 pm J and I were both sent upstairs to our bedroom with 2 glasses of wine to start getting ready and to relax for a little while before the ceremony. J had just completed getting ready and had walked downstairs for a moment and I had just gotten out of the shower when I hear J scream the tents are flipping over. I look out the window of the upstairs bedroom to see the four tents toppled over and all twisted and tangled amongst one another. Our friends come running and start to untangle them and to see if they are bent or harmed in anyway. Thank goodness they were not. They set them back up and this time staked them all down as it was very windy which we did not see coming at all. The tables which were already decorated with tablecloths and centerpieces remained untouched. The second thing that happened was J's mom arrived from Newburyport with our cupcakes and small cake topper when we discovered that they forgot to send the display stand which we rented from them. So after J got on the phone and yelled and screamed until the lady said she would have someone meet us half way and give it to us. Halfway is 20 minutes for us so our friend Ronnie said she would go and retrieve it.
Aside from these minor glitches all was good. And now I get to spend many, many happy days with my wife.
Now the first week of our married life was not so good. To say the least it was very challenging. Here are the series of events that took place:
1) J injured her back and was not able to work for a week.
2) Max our dog was rushed to the emergency vet where we soon found that he had overdosed on my moms old discarded morphine patch which he had gotten and eaten. After many hours there and 1000.00 later he came home the next day only to discover that the technician had shaved his bum and under his tail (due to feces) way too close and he ended up with what looked like a 3rd degree burn to that area. Needless to say he was one miserable baby for at least a week. It is almost healed after steroids and antibiotics.
3) My father ended up in the hospital with chest pain the day before they were scheduled to fly back to Alabama. Thank goodness his stress test was normal and they were able to fly back 2 days later than scheduled. He is home now and scheduled to his cardiologist tomorrow in Alabama.
So as you can see it has been challenging to say the least at our home.
Things are looking up though. We had a wonderful holiday spent at the beach the last couple of days we wonderful friends.
We are taking a small vacation/honeymoon in October to P-town which has already been booked. Hopefully by then though it will be shared with not just J and I but a little third party in my belly.